Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going, and How I’m Getting There

I’ve been through some very dramatic life altering changes over the last six years; from learning that I’m a sexual submissive, leaving an emotionally & verbally abusive marriage (on both our parts), and learning that I’m strong enough to get through any obstacle. I agree; that whole quadriplegic/chemotherapy incident at 17 should’ve taught me that lesson. But, that’s a story for another time, my friends.
In 2011, I began a memoir for a class. It started out as a writing prompt and became a journey to heal from my childhood. My original work was from a place of anger, pain, and hatred. I’ll be honest and admit that there are still times when those are my feelings with regard to the situations. However, I realized if I’m ever going to achieve the thing that I want the most then I have to look at the past through other perspectives than my own.

As an adult survivor of childhood abuse, I have wanted nothing more than the unconditional of my parents since I was 16. During that time I was placed in foster care; eventually ending up in a group home, then returning to my parents when my quadriplegia occurred. All this time, I’ve felt like my mother never loved me; she chose my abusive father over me. Over the years, I’ve tried to talk to her about the things that occurred in the past.Her go-to answer, “You’re an adult; just get over it. You can’t go around blaming all of your problems on me.”

What my mother never understood is that I always blamed myself for the things that occurred when I was growing up. I knew that it was wrong for my father to beat me and that that wasn’t my fault. What I couldn’t understand was why my mother never loved me and my father stopped loving me. I’m beginning to understand that my experiences aren’t the entire picture of my childhood; my sister’s experiences aren’t the same as my own. We all had a role to play; sometimes by choice, but other times the roles were thrust upon us.

Since September 26, 2015, I’ve been getting to know my mother as a person, a woman, an entity outside of our relationship. In some ways, I’m re-learning how to love her. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved my mother. I loved her in the way a child learns to love a parent. To this day, my mother has no idea how much I’ve craved her affection. As children, we forget that our parents aren’t perfect. Well, I wanted her to live up to the ideals that I had of how a mother should behave.

I always knew my mom had the potential to be a good mother. She and my sister have always had a really close bond. When things started to go horribly wrong with my father and my relationship; I attempted to reach out to my mother. I wanted to create a connection. Unfortunately, no matter what I did she excluded me from it. I saw this as confirmation of my belief that she hated me. Recently, I learned that my mother didn’t think I really loved her.I learned that part of the reason my mother stayed married to my father is because of the interaction I had with that woman at church.When I was around 4 or 5, a woman came up to me at church and said that I looked like my mother. I responded that indeed I did NOT, and I was my “daddy’s girl”.

I have an eidetic memory~which is pretty much a fancy way of saying; when I go to recall a memory I literally see a picture of it in my mind. Normally, it’s a really great thing to have. I’m sure it’s what’s made learning all the languages I’ve studied easier. I also have Hyperthesmia~ which is the ability to recall almost every day of my life in near perfect detail, as well as public events that hold some personal significance to me. If the events are positive then no harm, no foul. If the memory involves being chased down and being beaten with a wooden Louisville Slugger bat; it sucks to be able to remember every detail of the event. It’s part of the reason it’s taken so long for me to heal.

I’ve always used this blog as a way to communicate openly and honestly about my life. I’ve always known that I’m not the only person who is facing this distasteful and arduous battle. I’m well versed in the tools of survival. I know there are teens out there in abusive situations, and adult survivors that are still on their own journey to find reconciliation, and love for themselves and their families. If I can be a voice for those who are still too afraid to speak, or a light for a soul that has lost their way, then I will have done something remarkable.
Over the next year,  plan to use this blog as a sounding board, a way to clear my head, re-write previous memoir materials, and of course, a place of support for others previously and currently trying to overcome abusive situations.

Drop me a line if you have any questions….IMG_0143

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Wrecked by Shyla Colt

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You can’t have love without trust, so Lefty never looked twice at a woman. Betrayed at a young age, the only people he trusts are his brothers in the Dueling Devils motorcycle club. The boys took him in and showed him the meaning of family and loyalty. Then he broke his own rule, and slept with the same woman more than once. She became a habit, and he got ensnared by the Island beauty who ruled her strip club with an iron fist. The problem is Gia’s not interested in anything serious.

 

The minute Gia Hughes began to trust Lefty, she knew she was in too deep. The smart thing would’ve been to walk away, but the chemistry between them was too powerful. Then he started asking for more, and she was forced to run from the only thing she ever really wanted, a place to belong.  The skeletons buried in her closet need to stay buried to keep her safe, but all too soon that decision is taken out of her hands.

 

 

This month three lucky winners subscribed to the newsletter will win prizes!  We have brand new Dueling Devil T-shirts and bumper stickers.
FB page:https://www.facebook.com/Shyla.Colt

 

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If you enjoyed the Dueling Devils series, you may want to pick up a copy of  her full length M.C. Novel, Wesson Rebels M.C. Book one: Always

 

See what readers are saying

~ This is a rude, crude, dirty, raw, and gritty book that I devoured from the first page to the last.

 

~ If you are a Sons of Anarchy fan, you’ll love this story. Told from multiple points of view throughout time, this story weaves a journey of angst, pain, friendship and love. You’ll be pulled in from the first word! I couldn’t put it down!!

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~ If the cover doesn’t say it all, strap on your seat belts and get ready for the ride preferable on a motorcycle lol cause baby Ms Shyla holds no punches in this one, i love mc reads and my girl added her own spin taking it up another notch!! 

 

RUIN: Songs of Corruption by C. D. Reiss

Ruin front full

Title: Ruin (Songs of Corruption, #2)

Author: C.D. Reiss

Genre: Erotic Romance

Release Date: October 14, 2014

goodreads

 

Synopsis

What happens when a mob capo falls for a lawful woman?

Does he ruin her, or does she ruin him?

Do they live together, or die together? 

This is Antonio Spinelli’s story.



WARNING: This book contains delicious sex scenes with a hot man dirty-talking in Italian; women handling firearms and explosives; and scenes of violence with a crystal virgin Mary cigarette lighter.

 

Pre-Order Ruin today!

Amazon US | Amazon UK | B&N | iTunes | Kobo 

 

Spin (Songs of Corruption, #1)

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Amazon US | Amazon UK | B&N | iTunes | Kobo

Mafia capo, Antonio Spinelli blew through my orderly life like a cyclone.

Gorgeous and passionate, with a breathtaking brutality, he put me under his spell the moment he touched me, drawing me into his underworld of risk, violence and betrayal.

And I found, just as this sophisticated savage didn’t trust me, I didn’t trust myself. Something happened to me. Some alchemy from the heat between us.

I discovered I was a savage, too.

 

About the Author

CD Reiss

CD Reiss lives smack in the middle of Los Angeles with her children and husband. She likes to make pretty pictures and write dirty scenes. She eats dark chocolate and chili, together, sometimes with bacon, and doesn’t care what you think about that.

There are a million more things she could tell you about herself besides that, but they’re all too boring to mention in company.

Goodreads | Amazon Author Page | Facebook | Twitter | Website | Pinterest

 

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No Safeword: Matte—The Honeymoon by Candace Blevins

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No Safeword: Matte—The Honeymoon:
Safeword Series # 8
By: Candace Blevins
Releasing August 1st, 2014

Blurb
The wedding ceremony is over, and the couple is on their way to Hawaii. After so much build-up for the big night, how will Ethan handle it? Sam has no idea, and while she’s pretty sure she’s ready, she’s still a bit nervous. Who wouldn’t be?
Most newlyweds don’t ride bicycles up and then back down dormant volcanos for fun on their honeymoon, but Sam and Ethan aren’t the average couple. They find lots of fun things to do on the islands and in the ocean, and Ethan’s creativity knows no bounds when in the privacy of their secluded beach house.
If you’ve read Safeword: Matte and Safeword: Matte – In Training, you’ve been waiting for the honeymoon. Here’s hoping you enjoy it as much as Sam and Ethan.

 Link to Follow Tour:  
http:// http://www.tastybooktours.com/2014/07/no-safeword-matte-honeymoon-by-candace.html 
Goodreads Link:http:// www.goodreads.com/book/show/22285192-no-safeword-matte—-the-honeymoon?from_search=true
Buy Links
Amazon:  http:// http://www.amazon.com/No-Safeword-Matte-The-Honeymoon/dp/1500453757/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406659029&sr=8-1&keywords=no+safeword+matte+the+honeymoon 

B&N:http://  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/no-safeword-candace-blevins/1119970503?ean=9781500453756 

Author Info
Candace Blevins is a southern girl who loves to travel the world.
She lives with her husband of 16 years and their two daughters. When not working or driving kids all over the place she can be found reading, writing, meditating, or swimming.
Candace writes romance books about characters who happen to have some extreme kinks. Relationships can be difficult enough without throwing power exchange into the mix, and her books show characters who care enough about each other to fight to make the relationship work.
Each book in the Safeword series highlights a couple with a different BDSM issue to resolve. All books are standalone books and can be read in any order, with the exception of the two Davenport books, since Safewords: Davenport and Chiffon is a sequel to Safeword: Davenport.
You can visit Candace on the web at candaceblevins.com, or friend her on Facebook at facebook.com/candacesblevins
* Serious Romance * Serious BDSM *

Author Links
http:// www.candaceblevins.com/
http:// www.facebook.com/candacesblevins

http:// https://twitter.com/CandaceBlevins
http:// http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4489132.Candace_Blevins 

http:// https://pinterest.com/candacesblevins/

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Excerpt
Sam awoke first the next morning and slid under the covers. He was soft when she pulled him between her lips, but within seconds he groaned in pleasure and began to fill her mouth.
She intended to get him off, but he stopped her a few minutes into it, flipped her on her back, draped her legs over his shoulders, and gently worked her clit with his lips and tongue.
Sam’s eyes rolled back into her head and she forgot to breathe for several heartbeats. However, after a few minutes she realized he’d stopped her from giving him a blowjob. He hadn’t used her last night, and now he wasn’t letting her pleasure him.
She raised up on her elbows and watched a few seconds before coming to a decision.
“Time out, Ethan.”
He tilted his head to look at her, but kept her clit in his mouth. His tongue ran across it a few times and she had to fight to keep her eyes from rolling back in her head again.
“I was giving you a blowjob, and you stopped me.”
His eyes agreed with her, and then he stopped looking up and went back to work.
She gently bopped him on the head. “Don’t ignore me. I’m trying to talk to you.”
He inserted a finger into her depths, and then another, and Sam fell back, her legs tensed on his shoulders, and she lost control of her body as an orgasm crashed into her with no warning.
She tried to talk through it, but couldn’t come up with an intelligible sentence, and finally gave up and let the bliss sweep her under.
As she regained motor function, she draped her arm over her eyes and let her legs sprawl out to the side. “It seems wrong to call you a jerk after you gave me a mind-melting orgasm, but I was giving you a blowjob and you stopped me, and then you ignored me when I tried to talk to you about it.”
Her voice sounded happy and content, but there wasn’t much she could do about it.
Ethan was still between her legs, and he chuckled before bending to lick her entrance with long, slow, strokes.
“God, you’re impossible. I don’t know whether to beg you to stop, or keep going.”
His tongue kept going, and she added, “We need to talk about why you aren’t using me, and won’t let me pleasure you.” She groaned as he licked and suckled the perfect spot. Quickly losing her resolve, she pulled enough air into her lungs to admit, “But I’m not sure I have the willpower to ask you to stop what you’re doing.”
He brought her to three more orgasms before he kissed his way up to her neck, rolled to the side, and pulled her into his arms.
“I used you pretty hard, and I wanted to give you a little time to recover.” He kissed her forehead. “Take advantage of it while you can.”
“But I wanted to give you a blowjob. How could that be a bad thing?”
“It isn’t, but I’ve made the decision to give you pleasure and pamper you a few days.”
He was holding himself so she couldn’t feel his cock, so she didn’t know if he was hard or not. Her mind shifted into analysis mode, and she ran the possible reasons he might not want to use her, or even get a blowjob.
It hit her out of the blue, and she looked up and said, “You’re sore. My ass feels like someone used a sandpaper-covered toy on it. Your cock has to be sore, too.”
His face told her he was trying to find a way to deny it without lying, and she laughed. “Master Sex-God is sore. Oh, it’s beautiful.” She kissed his chin, and then his lips. “Don’t try to deny it. I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me before.” She shook her head. “I’m not sure how you managed it the last couple of times, though. If you were hurting as bad as me, why did you keep going?” She paused and added. “How did you keep going?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m not as sore as you. Your ass hasn’t had any friction at all until we arrived here, and my cock gets frequent activity. The last couple of times I felt a little tender, but I wasn’t ready to stop yet, and it didn’t hurt bad enough to affect my pleasure.”
He shrugged. “I’m sore enough after the fact, so I figure it’s best to give it a rest.” Soft lips kissed her forehead, then her nose. “I’m quite serious about wanting to give you some rest and lots of pampering, though. You took everything I gave you, and I gave you a lot. I want you to know I understand how hard I was on you, and I appreciate you for it. I don’t want to ever take your submission for granted.”

Personal Target by Kay Thomas

Personal Target
An Elite Ops Novel
By: Kay Thomas
Releasing July 29th, 2014
Avon Impulse

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Blurb

AEGIS: an elite team of ex-military men working under the radar of most governments. If you have a problem no one else can handle, they can help.A former SEAL and Black Ops specialist who left the CIA, Nick Donovan gave up a life on the edge to work in the private sector. But that didn’t stop his enemies from coming after him—or his family. In a case of mistaken identity, a drug cartel kidnaps his sister-in-law’s best friend … a woman from Nick’s past.One minute Jennifer Grayson is housesitting and the next she’s abducted to a foreign brothel. Jennifer is planning her escape when her first “customer” arrives. Nick, the man who broke her heart years ago, has come to her rescue. Now, as they race for their lives, passion for each other reignites and old secrets resurface. Can Nick keep the woman he loves safe against an enemy with a personal vendetta?

Link to Follow Tour:  http://tastybooktours.blogspot.com/2014/07/personal-target-by-kay-thomas-elite-ops.html 
Goodreads Link:  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22308416-personal-target?from_search=true 

Buy Links
Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Personal-Target-Elite-Ops-Book-ebook/dp/B00KACAU5I/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&keywords=personal%20target%20by%20kay%20thomas&linkCode=ur2&qid=1400188200&s=digital-text&sr=1-1&tag=kaytho-20&linkId=VKJ26JGVY7WLJSJ5 
B&N:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/personal-target-kay-thomas/1119566027?ean=9780062290878 
iTunes:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/personal-target/id877703928?mt=11 

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Author Info
Kay Thomas didn’t grow up burning to be a writer. She wasn’t even much of a reader until fourth grade. That’s when her sister readThe Black Stallion aloud to her. For hours Kay was enthralled—shipwrecked and riding an untamed horse across desert sand. Then tragedy struck. Her sister lost her voice. But Kay couldn’t wait to hear what happened in the story—so she picked up that book, finished reading it herself, and went in search of more adventures at the local library.Today Kay lives in Dallas with her husband, two children, and a shockingly spoiled Boston terrier. Her award-winning novels have been published internationally.

Author Links
http://www.kaythomas.net/ 
https://www.facebook.com/KayThomasWrites
https://twitter.com/KayThomaswrites

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No Apologies by Sybil Bartel

Book & Author details:

No Apologies by Sybil Bartel 
Published by: Carina Press (HQN)
Publication date: June 23rd 2014
Genres: Contemporary, New Adult, Romance

Synopsis:

Never apologize

Hard-edged rocker Graham Allen has it all. He’s flush with cash from playing bass in a band by night and restoring classic cars by day. And there are plenty of women willing to share his bed for a night, complication-free. Perfect, because if there’s anything he learned from his past, it was to never get attached—to anything. So when bartender Carly Sullivan flashes her innocent smile, Graham isn’t prepared for what happens next.

Never fall in love

Two rules, that’s all Graham has—never apologize and never fall in love. He knows Carly is everything he should avoid. Cheerful and sweet, she has “relationship” written all over her. But Graham can’t stay away from her probing questions and concerned blue eyes.

When Graham discovers Carly is hiding a crushing secret, he’s prepared to risk it all. Until in one single moment, everything changes and Graham’s past threatens to collide with his future. His life is crumbling down around him, and soon no apology in the world can save him.

He should’ve known to walk away.

91,000 words

Goodreadshttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20926029-no-apologies?ac=1

Purchase

–Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00I15VKWI/ref=x_gr_w_bb?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00I15VKWI&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2

–B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/no-apologies-sybil-bartel/1118327857?ean=9781426898532

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AUTHOR BIO

Sybil grew up in Northern California with her head in a book and her feet in the sand. She used to dream of becoming a painter but the heady scent of libraries with their shelves full of books about wistful summer days and first loves drew her into the world of storytelling. Her true literary love is the New Adult genre but really, any story about a love so desperately wrong and impossibly beautiful, makes her swoon.

Sybil now resides in Southern Florida and while she doesn’t get to read as much as she likes, she still buries her toes in the sand. If she’s not writing or fighting to contain the banana plantation in her backyard, you can find her spending time with her handsomely tattooed husband, her brilliantly practical son and a mischievous miniature boxer who stole her heart.

Author Links:

https://twitter.com/SybilBartel

http://sybilbartel.com/

https://www.facebook.com/sybilbartelauthor

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7893521.Sybil_Bartel

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Featured

Burning Love

 

20554282BURNING LOVE

CASSANDRA CARR

Blurb:  Jude Fisher thinks his life is over. He’s been injured on the job as a firefighter and not recovering as well as he’d like. His friend cajoles him into doing a calendar shoot for a friend and Jude actually enjoys himself, even more so after literally running into a beautiful woman on his way out.

Michaela owns a restaurant and works long hours to make it successful. The attraction between Jude and Michaela is instant, but their schedules are hell and they struggle to find time to connect. Then business at the restaurant skyrockets and Jude faces an uncertain future. As they battle for their livelihoods, both wonder if they’ll ever be free to pursue a real relationship or if they should just cut their losses.

Buy Links:  Amazon  Smashwords

Excerpt:  They walked to his truck and shared an easy silence on the way home. Michaela couldn’t remember a time she’d been more at ease with someone she didn’t know well.

At her door, he pulled her to him. “Thanks for coming out with me. This was the most fun I’ve had in weeks. I’ll call you, and we’ll do it again soon.”

“I had a great time, too.”

“I’m glad.”

Jude lowered his head and kissed her, capturing her chin in his large palm and turning her mouth to more fully meet his. His other arm remained around her waist, tightening and bringing their bodies fully flush from chest to hip. He ran his tongue along her lips, and she opened to him with a moan. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew they were taking things really fast, but try as she might, she couldn’t think of a good reason to slow down. Their tongues tangled in an intimate dance before he retreated to his own mouth and she chased him, moaning again when he briefly sucked on her tongue.

His hand moved lower on her back, cupping her ample ass and pushing his groin into hers, making his erection obvious. They battled for control of the kiss, but Jude eventually won out, pushing the hand that had cupped her chin around to the back of her head to tilt her to his liking. Finally they broke apart, both breathing hard.

Jude gasped for air. “Holy hell.”

“Uh-huh.”

“We need to stop, or I’m gonna start begging to take you right here.”

“Okay.” At Jude’s expression of surprise, she realized what she’d said and had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at herself. “I meant, yes, we should stop.” Very witty commentary. “So you’re going to call me?”

Jude held up the phone containing her number. “Count on it.” He waited for her to open her door before backing away.

“See you soon, I hope.”

Famous last words.

 

Author bio

Cassandra Carr is a multi-award winning erotic romance writer with Ellora’s Cave, Sybarite Seductions/Twenty or Less Press, Decadent Publishing, Siren Publishing, and Loose Id. She lives in Western New York with her husband, Inspiration, and her daughter, Too Cute for Words. When not writing she enjoys watching hockey and hanging out online. Cassandra is the co-founder of two successful group blogs, Romancing the Jock and Dirty Birdies, and participates in several others as a contributor. Currently Cassandra also serves as president of Western New York Romance Writers.

For more information about Cassandra, check out her website, “like” her Facebook fan page or follow her on Twitter.

 

Links:

Website: http://www.booksbycassandracarr.com
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/AuthorCassandraCarr
Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/cassandra_carr
Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/booksbycasscarr/

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