Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going, and How I’m Getting There

I’ve been through some very dramatic life altering changes over the last six years; from learning that I’m a sexual submissive, leaving an emotionally & verbally abusive marriage (on both our parts), and learning that I’m strong enough to get through any obstacle. I agree; that whole quadriplegic/chemotherapy incident at 17 should’ve taught me that lesson. But, that’s a story for another time, my friends.
In 2011, I began a memoir for a class. It started out as a writing prompt and became a journey to heal from my childhood. My original work was from a place of anger, pain, and hatred. I’ll be honest and admit that there are still times when those are my feelings with regard to the situations. However, I realized if I’m ever going to achieve the thing that I want the most then I have to look at the past through other perspectives than my own.

As an adult survivor of childhood abuse, I have wanted nothing more than the unconditional of my parents since I was 16. During that time I was placed in foster care; eventually ending up in a group home, then returning to my parents when my quadriplegia occurred. All this time, I’ve felt like my mother never loved me; she chose my abusive father over me. Over the years, I’ve tried to talk to her about the things that occurred in the past.Her go-to answer, “You’re an adult; just get over it. You can’t go around blaming all of your problems on me.”

What my mother never understood is that I always blamed myself for the things that occurred when I was growing up. I knew that it was wrong for my father to beat me and that that wasn’t my fault. What I couldn’t understand was why my mother never loved me and my father stopped loving me. I’m beginning to understand that my experiences aren’t the entire picture of my childhood; my sister’s experiences aren’t the same as my own. We all had a role to play; sometimes by choice, but other times the roles were thrust upon us.

Since September 26, 2015, I’ve been getting to know my mother as a person, a woman, an entity outside of our relationship. In some ways, I’m re-learning how to love her. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved my mother. I loved her in the way a child learns to love a parent. To this day, my mother has no idea how much I’ve craved her affection. As children, we forget that our parents aren’t perfect. Well, I wanted her to live up to the ideals that I had of how a mother should behave.

I always knew my mom had the potential to be a good mother. She and my sister have always had a really close bond. When things started to go horribly wrong with my father and my relationship; I attempted to reach out to my mother. I wanted to create a connection. Unfortunately, no matter what I did she excluded me from it. I saw this as confirmation of my belief that she hated me. Recently, I learned that my mother didn’t think I really loved her.I learned that part of the reason my mother stayed married to my father is because of the interaction I had with that woman at church.When I was around 4 or 5, a woman came up to me at church and said that I looked like my mother. I responded that indeed I did NOT, and I was my “daddy’s girl”.

I have an eidetic memory~which is pretty much a fancy way of saying; when I go to recall a memory I literally see a picture of it in my mind. Normally, it’s a really great thing to have. I’m sure it’s what’s made learning all the languages I’ve studied easier. I also have Hyperthesmia~ which is the ability to recall almost every day of my life in near perfect detail, as well as public events that hold some personal significance to me. If the events are positive then no harm, no foul. If the memory involves being chased down and being beaten with a wooden Louisville Slugger bat; it sucks to be able to remember every detail of the event. It’s part of the reason it’s taken so long for me to heal.

I’ve always used this blog as a way to communicate openly and honestly about my life. I’ve always known that I’m not the only person who is facing this distasteful and arduous battle. I’m well versed in the tools of survival. I know there are teens out there in abusive situations, and adult survivors that are still on their own journey to find reconciliation, and love for themselves and their families. If I can be a voice for those who are still too afraid to speak, or a light for a soul that has lost their way, then I will have done something remarkable.
Over the next year,  plan to use this blog as a sounding board, a way to clear my head, re-write previous memoir materials, and of course, a place of support for others previously and currently trying to overcome abusive situations.

Drop me a line if you have any questions….IMG_0143

Rage

  

Release Day: May 28th, 2015


Genre: Dark Romance, Contemporary

Series: Fire and Steel Series

Synopsis:

Death. That’s all Fire and Steel M.C. brings Layla. A trail of death and destruction that leave her completely ravaged. She moved a thousand miles to escape the brutality and vengeance of the club, but she was forged in the club and never as free as she believed…

When her brother is murdered death brings her right back into the clutches of the M.C. and under the watchful of Cullen “Rage” McFadden, her first love.

Can she resist the temptation he represents, or will he drag her down into his world one more time?

Kaylee Song’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorKayleeSong?fref=ts  

Red, White & Screwed by Holly Bush

Red, White & Screwed
By: Holly Bush
Releasing July 17th, 2014

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Blurb

Political strategist Glenda Nelson is having a meltdown. Her handpicked, very married Congressional candidate was just caught climbing out of the window of the Sleepytown Motel, and her philandering ex-husband seems to have the most to gain from the colossal scandal that follows. As Glenda attempts to salvage the campaign in a hotly contested race, conservative and liberal pundits pounce on the story to further their own agendas.Glenda’s love life is nonexistent to say the least, that is, until she meets handsome artist Chris Goodrich. Chris’s easy-going, carefree outlook on life couldn’t be more different than the 90-mph crazy train that is Glenda’s, but the more time she spends with him, the more she craves his calming presence, his sexy smile, and his steamy embraces. Is Chris worth taking a chance on?Between the pressure of full-blown spin control mode, rapidly declining job security, refereeing two teenagers, caring for aging parents, and spending hours on her therapist’s couch trying to get past her ex’s crushing betrayal, Glenda finds love and makes the long trek back to happy.

Link to Follow Tour:  http://tastybooktours.blogspot.com/2014/06/red-white-screwed-by-holly-bush.html 

Goodreads Link:  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22589075-red-white-screwed 

Buy Links
Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Red-White-Screwed-Holly-Bush-ebook/dp/B00LU2LLZA/ref=as_sl_pc_tf_til?tag=holbusboo07-20&linkCode=w00&linkId=3NJWB26P4GZK2O5Q&creativeASIN=B00LU2LLZA 
B&N:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/red-white-and-screwed-holly-bush/1119952197?ean=2940149766598 
Kobo:  http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/red-white-screwed 
iTunes:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/red-white-screwed/id889657537?mt=11

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Author Info
Holly Bush writes historical romance set on the American Prairie, in Victorian England and recently released her first Contemporary Romance. Her books are described as emotional, with heartfelt, sexy romance. She makes her home with her husband in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.  Connect with Holly at  http://www.hollybushbooks.com  and on Twitter @hollybushbooks and on Facebook at Holly Bush.

Author Links
http://www.hollybushbooks.com/
https://twitter.com/hollybushbooks
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3378392.Holly_Bush
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Holly-Bush/247399131941435?focus_composer=true&ref_type=bookmark 

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Personal Target by Kay Thomas

Personal Target
An Elite Ops Novel
By: Kay Thomas
Releasing July 29th, 2014
Avon Impulse

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Blurb

AEGIS: an elite team of ex-military men working under the radar of most governments. If you have a problem no one else can handle, they can help.A former SEAL and Black Ops specialist who left the CIA, Nick Donovan gave up a life on the edge to work in the private sector. But that didn’t stop his enemies from coming after him—or his family. In a case of mistaken identity, a drug cartel kidnaps his sister-in-law’s best friend … a woman from Nick’s past.One minute Jennifer Grayson is housesitting and the next she’s abducted to a foreign brothel. Jennifer is planning her escape when her first “customer” arrives. Nick, the man who broke her heart years ago, has come to her rescue. Now, as they race for their lives, passion for each other reignites and old secrets resurface. Can Nick keep the woman he loves safe against an enemy with a personal vendetta?

Link to Follow Tour:  http://tastybooktours.blogspot.com/2014/07/personal-target-by-kay-thomas-elite-ops.html 
Goodreads Link:  https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22308416-personal-target?from_search=true 

Buy Links
Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Personal-Target-Elite-Ops-Book-ebook/dp/B00KACAU5I/?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&keywords=personal%20target%20by%20kay%20thomas&linkCode=ur2&qid=1400188200&s=digital-text&sr=1-1&tag=kaytho-20&linkId=VKJ26JGVY7WLJSJ5 
B&N:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/personal-target-kay-thomas/1119566027?ean=9780062290878 
iTunes:  https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/personal-target/id877703928?mt=11 

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Author Info
Kay Thomas didn’t grow up burning to be a writer. She wasn’t even much of a reader until fourth grade. That’s when her sister readThe Black Stallion aloud to her. For hours Kay was enthralled—shipwrecked and riding an untamed horse across desert sand. Then tragedy struck. Her sister lost her voice. But Kay couldn’t wait to hear what happened in the story—so she picked up that book, finished reading it herself, and went in search of more adventures at the local library.Today Kay lives in Dallas with her husband, two children, and a shockingly spoiled Boston terrier. Her award-winning novels have been published internationally.

Author Links
http://www.kaythomas.net/ 
https://www.facebook.com/KayThomasWrites
https://twitter.com/KayThomaswrites

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No Apologies by Sybil Bartel

Book & Author details:

No Apologies by Sybil Bartel 
Published by: Carina Press (HQN)
Publication date: June 23rd 2014
Genres: Contemporary, New Adult, Romance

Synopsis:

Never apologize

Hard-edged rocker Graham Allen has it all. He’s flush with cash from playing bass in a band by night and restoring classic cars by day. And there are plenty of women willing to share his bed for a night, complication-free. Perfect, because if there’s anything he learned from his past, it was to never get attached—to anything. So when bartender Carly Sullivan flashes her innocent smile, Graham isn’t prepared for what happens next.

Never fall in love

Two rules, that’s all Graham has—never apologize and never fall in love. He knows Carly is everything he should avoid. Cheerful and sweet, she has “relationship” written all over her. But Graham can’t stay away from her probing questions and concerned blue eyes.

When Graham discovers Carly is hiding a crushing secret, he’s prepared to risk it all. Until in one single moment, everything changes and Graham’s past threatens to collide with his future. His life is crumbling down around him, and soon no apology in the world can save him.

He should’ve known to walk away.

91,000 words

Goodreadshttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20926029-no-apologies?ac=1

Purchase

–Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00I15VKWI/ref=x_gr_w_bb?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00I15VKWI&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2

–B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/no-apologies-sybil-bartel/1118327857?ean=9781426898532

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AUTHOR BIO

Sybil grew up in Northern California with her head in a book and her feet in the sand. She used to dream of becoming a painter but the heady scent of libraries with their shelves full of books about wistful summer days and first loves drew her into the world of storytelling. Her true literary love is the New Adult genre but really, any story about a love so desperately wrong and impossibly beautiful, makes her swoon.

Sybil now resides in Southern Florida and while she doesn’t get to read as much as she likes, she still buries her toes in the sand. If she’s not writing or fighting to contain the banana plantation in her backyard, you can find her spending time with her handsomely tattooed husband, her brilliantly practical son and a mischievous miniature boxer who stole her heart.

Author Links:

https://twitter.com/SybilBartel

http://sybilbartel.com/

https://www.facebook.com/sybilbartelauthor

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7893521.Sybil_Bartel

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