The Struggle

At times, it is still a struggle to believe how truly lucky I am. I have had a friend for a year, He is a Dom, but He has always been a friend. When I had attempted to find a Dom in the past, He has always let me discuss things with Him. He was always patient & understanding with me. Then earlier this year, I met His amazing Princess! I felt like I finally had a sister; we have laughed together, checked on one another & provided a safe place where we can be our normal “little” selves.
Recently, I had a Dom who had some complicated baggage that came with Him. Papa talked to Him, and then let me know what He thought. He had many of the concerns that I had about the situation. When sissy found out some of the stuff the Dom tried to pull, well…..saying she was not happy is a huge understatement.
I ended things with the perspective Dom. I was not in the mood to become anyone’s hidden lover. Not. Gonna. Happen!!! However, something amazing was about to happen. Papa & sissy asked me to be in a relationship with them. Seriously, I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.
Somehow, I had found two people who truly love me. They love me for who I am, who I’m not & for who I think I might like to be someday. I haven’t had any dreams for a very long-time. I had allowed my self-esteem to be widdled away to nothing. It didn’t matter that my ex wasn’t telling me I’d never find anyone who would want to deal with my Multiple Sclerosis; I began to tell it to myself, somewhere a long the way.
I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t even living life, I was just existing. I had no goals or dreams to strive to achieve.  Luckily, something definitely changed along the way. I allowed myself to feel the love that my Papa & sissy have for me. I have started to believe in myself a again. I have begun to have goals & dreams that I’d like to achieve.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not been miraculously healed. I still have balance issues and require some type of assistance when walking. I still can’t accurately distinguish the temperature of a lot of things, and there are times when my legs feel like they’re on fire, or I require an ice pack to make the pain in my left arm tolerable. Even though I feel totally loved, I still struggle with the little girl inside of me that worries she’ll never be good enough, or that eventually my Multiple Sclerosis will become an issue. I still struggle to understand how Papa & sissy can love me…but for now, I am going to enjoy it ;). Papa, I think I need a spank or two *giggles*

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