I don’t think I could say what I did yesterday in a way that would sum it up better than this meme; I let the curtain fall and allowed the people to see the “woman behind the curtain”. I know this may surprise some of you, since I run a blog that deals with sexuality & kink, but today is the first time that I’ve ever publicly acknowledged this part of my life. Yep, I changed my cover picture and updated my relationship status on Facebook.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t post an over the top BDSM picture. I posted a cover picture that simply acknowledged the fact that I’m a babygirl. I’m sure that most people who go to my page, or even saw the picture don’t have any idea about it’s true significance. In fact, I’m sure the majority of the people who have access to my page won’t even give it a second thought. I know I wouldn’t have even given it a second glance, four short years ago. However, my life has changed significantly since then.
I am now aware of the BDSM lifestyle, and not because I read “that” book…although, I did read it and the sequel. I haven’t been able to get through the last book in the trilogy, because there are too many other books that accurately portray BDSM. I would re-read a book in the Shadowlands series, any day of the week. I know about the BDSM lifestyle because I was reading a book & something just clicked. Suddenly, after all the years of guilt & shame I dealt with in regards to my sexuality (I was raped at knifepoint), everything finally made sense. I discovered something that enabled me to enjoy my sexuality, and of course, I received counseling for PTSD.
I was lucky, because I found a therapist who didn’t feel like it was her job to convince me that BDSM was wrong. Instead, she helped me to understand my needs in a more comprehensive way. I didn’t just figure out that I liked to be treated like I was adored, but I also began to investigate the reasons why I needed to feel that way. I’m by no means a trained psychologist (I do have a degree in Behavioral Sciences: Sociology), but I have discovered that one’s sexuality is an ever evolving state. I’m sure that in twenty years, I’ll have a better understanding & acceptance of my own sexuality than I do presently.
However, I know I took a big step last night. I acknowledged that I’m in a poly relationship, and that there is also a BDSM component to the relationship. I’m not sure what came over me, but I do know that I am extremely happy. I feel like I am in a relationship where I am loved unconditionally, and where my partners allow me to be my true self. I guess I am so happy, I wanted to be able to share those feelings with others. Of course, Facebook doesn’t have a method to acknowledge a relationship between multiple partners, which is odd since it allows you to declare yourself to be in an open relationship. Maybe it’s just me, but when I think of an open relationship I picture more than two people. My Papa helped me come up with a way to acknowledge O/our relationship….and, I’m a very happy babygirl.