How I Discovered My Inner Freak

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Long before 50 Shades came onto the scene, I was introduced to the concept of turn pain into pleasure. Believe it or not, it was actually a medical professional who gave me the suggestion. Having been paralyzed from the neck down from Multiple Sclerosis, at 17, I was left with a tremendous amount of pain once I overcame my paralysis.

I have residual neuropathy, in other words my body doesn’t have the normal reaction to everyday things. For example, I experience pain from just below my chin to immediately above my breasts. Unfortunately, this means that simple things like wearing a shirt, having my dreadlocks down, or even feeling a lover’s lips in this area causes extreme pain. There are other areas that are effected in the same manner, but it is generally controlled by Lyrica.

When I began working with a doctor to try and manage the pain, he said one of the most important things that I could do is try to rewire the way that I interpret touch in these areas. I thought he was crazy when he told me it was possible to change the feeling of pain into one of pleasure. I was desperate, so I was willing to try anything at that point. I was getting ready to get married, and I wanted to be able to have a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Fast forward over a decade, and I finally figured out what the doctor had been talking about. Over the last few years, I’ve learned how to experience pleasure from “painful” experiences. I would’ve thought that the last thing that would relieve some of my pain would be BDSM. I. Was. Wrong! There are actually times when I’m in pain, that I crave a spanking, or some tip of nipple clamp; I am able to focus the pain that I feel, and the endorphins that are released allow me to feel magnificent.

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